It’s kind of funny how life just keeps on rolling, taking you along with it, ready or not. Rolling through the events, and tasks, and days. The things that you work for, work at, anticipate (or dread) for long periods of time. You wonder how you will get through, how you will get it all done, how you will handle it. And then, Life pushes you right on through, and before you know it, instead of (perhaps a tad obsessively) looking ahead to them on calendars or To Do lists, they’re done, and you’re looking back. The To Do’s, events, and days are reduced to memories, and you look back on the mental slideshows, wondering how time moved so quickly.
I’m mostly relying on mental slideshows to review the last week and weekend, seeing as how I relinquished camera duties to my brother and The Writer, and don’t have
the ridiculous scads overload of digital camera evidence I would otherwise have if I’d been at the photographic helm. My brother nailed all the important shots though, securing the necessary “evidence” that I did, indeed, complete the last four years successfully.
I made it through all the graduation hoops and hoopla. I did it my way, which made it a little easier, with the brother always at my side or in eyesight to keep me going. Heckling me or making me laugh (as only my brother can), squashing the nerves and panic with well-timed insults or dirty jokes (you don’t even want to know). I don’t know how to explain why such events freak me out to such an extent. Maybe it’s the introversion, maybe it’s the fact that the last four years were mess for me outside of the clinic and classroom, maybe it’s that those events mark the massive responsibility I am about to take on for the well-being of other human beings, maybe it’s the fact such a fuss seems silly and unnecessary to me when I’m not really doing anything that actually contributes to earning the degree.
I kept thinking, if I had to jump 16 school buses, through a burning ring of fire, on a dirt bike Evel Knievel-style at graduation before they’d give me my diploma, now that would be something to dress up for and invite the extended family to watch. (Not to mention, I didn’t even get my diploma at graduation, and none of this is going to be real for me until I am holding that paper in my sweaty little paw, tyvm.) I also kept thinking that dealing with a six car pile up right outside the hospital, wouldn’t give me a fraction of the nerves or flop sweats that walking across that stage for 10 seconds did. (Thank you prescription-strength deodorant.)
I can’t explain it. But I made it though, without unduly embarrassing myself or anyone else in the process (at least I don’t think I did, you never know), and I guess I don’t have to explain it.
It’s all just a bunch of memories now.
And I still seem to be on a roll, taking care of the endless To Do’s, rolling right on down the list like it’s my job. (Which, yeah, right now, I guess it sort of is.) Letting life push me forward, ready or not.