So, I was really hoping that the in-patient Gyn Onc rotation would be one of those things that I build up in my mind to be so horrendous, that then turns out to be not so bad.
A few things come to mind:
#1 – Why in the name of all things rational, would a person keep doing a job where they work so hard, for such long hours, for not great pay, where they are mostly treated like crap?
#2 – I never want to be the a-hole who treats my co-residents, med students, nurses, or anyone else I work with (including patients) like crap. Including dumping work on them, not helping them when I can, humiliating them in front of others, or just plain being mean to them. Especially if they are really, obviously trying. Even when I am completely overwhelmed myself.
#3 – I hope I make it to be the person who gets to be the nice, non-a-hole Chief that people like to work with, and that if I do I am so good that I never get completely overwhelmed no matter what is thrown at me (literally and/or figuratively) ever again.
#4 – Gyn Onc is rapidly ruling itself right out as sub-specialty choice, on a very short list of sub-specialty choices. 😦
#5 – For the millionth time, I am ridiculously grateful for my classmates, who are the best classmates I could have ever hoped to have in a million years, who make me feel like I’m not alone in thinking these things, and just plain not alone.
#6 – And I am grateful for these shoes:
Which I splurged on just for this rotation (in my defense, I had coveted them months ago and was pretty much obligated to buy them when I found them miraculously on clearance and in my size). Because they are super comfortable, they make me feel a little more awesome and little less awful, and remind me that I am human being who dares/loves to spice up a straight month of boring, drone OR scrubs with the craziest, brightest shoes I can possibly find, every time I look at them as I am sprinting around the hospital.
Take that Rotation From Hell.