Attending: “Come ON! What is the power source of the Starship Enterprise??!”

Me (out loud): “Uh. I have no idea.”

Me (mentally): Seriously?? Who f*%#ing cares??!

I have sort of a love-hate relationship with pimping. While I hate being put on the spot, I do love it when attendings engage me in constructive question and answer sessions. I love it when I actually manage to pull one out and get the right answer (Yes! Dear God the first two years of medical school were actually worth it!!). But then, I hate getting the answer wrong, or, even worse, being completely at a loss, doing my best impression of a psychotic individual after a heaping helping of Vitamin H, replete with a blank stare, mouth hanging open, and variable amounts of drool dripping from the corners of my slack jaw (depending on how long they let me sit and spin with my abject stupidity).

But frankly, some stuff, I will never feel bad about not knowing. (In the context of my medical education or otherwise.)

Like, what the power source of the Starship Enterprise is (I staunchly stand by my who f*@#ing cares on that one). Or, another recent jewel, what is the speed of light? My attending was really horrified that I didn’t have that one just rolling off the tip of my tongue (and never, ever will).

Its no secret, I’m (quite a bit :\ ) older than the average med student and my neurons (the ones that I didn’t carelessly drown in undergrad, or *cough* at that wedding last month) just aren’t firing and/or storing information like they used to. I have to save what limited capacity I have left for sh*t I might actually need to actually help a patient some day. Actually, I’ve always been a relentlessly practical individual, and even if did have the extra RAM for Useless Crap, my mercilessly conditioned (lonely, remaining) brain cells would most likely reject it out of hand anyways.

So, dear, enthusiastic, fluent-in-Vulcan attendings of the world, I know you think we should know stuff like the first known contraceptive was crocodile dung (used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.), elephants are the only mammals that can’t jump, Diet Coke was invented in 1982, the plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets, Chewbacca has a son named Lumpy and a wife named Malla, and that Optimus Prime enjoys playing basketball,  in order to function as a physician and in life in general, but, sorry, I super don’t.